Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 18

You might be a redneck if there is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.

You might be a redneck if the Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.

You might be a redneck if you've ever shot a deer from inside your house.

If your wife’s hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if the dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

You might be a redneck if you've never paid for a haircut.

You might be a redneck if you've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

You may be a redneck if... you think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.

You find out that all this stuff you've accumulated, you could care less about it. It's just the relationships that matter.

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.