Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 19

You might be a redneck if there is a gun rack on your bicycle.

You might be a redneck if you refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."

You might be a redneck if someone in your family says "Cum'n heer an' lookit this afore I flush it."

You might be a redneck if you think a 'cursor' is someone who swears a lot.

I was talking to Alan Jackson. He had his second Greatest Hits album. He said, You don't ever get into this really thinking you're gonna make it.

You find out that all this stuff you've accumulated, you could care less about it. It's just the relationships that matter.

You might be a redneck if you have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.

I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

You might be a redneck if you've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow.

You might be a redneck if you go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.

If your wife’s hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.

Talking with Gary Busey is kinda like sex. You want to do it, you just don't want to be alone when you do it.