Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 19

I was talking to Alan Jackson. He had his second Greatest Hits album. He said, You don't ever get into this really thinking you're gonna make it.

You find out that all this stuff you've accumulated, you could care less about it. It's just the relationships that matter.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.

You might be a redneck if there is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.

You might be a redneck if you refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."

Talking with Gary Busey is kinda like sex. You want to do it, you just don't want to be alone when you do it.

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

You might be a redneck if you think a 'cursor' is someone who swears a lot.

You might be a redneck if you have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

You might be a redneck if you've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

You might be a redneck if you go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.

You might be a redneck if you think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You might be a redneck if your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.