Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 20

You might be a redneck if you go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.

I was talking to Alan Jackson. He had his second Greatest Hits album. He said, You don't ever get into this really thinking you're gonna make it.

You might be a redneck if you use a 55 Chevy as a guest house.

You might be a redneck if your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.

You might be a redneck if your best ashtray is a turtle shell.

I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow.

I was like, 'Have you all heard me talk?' You know, nobody's making Seinfeld live in Indiana.

You might be a redneck if your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

You might be a redneck if there is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

You might be a redneck if you refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."

You might be a redneck if you've ever bought a used cap.

If your wife’s hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.