Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 20

You might be a redneck if your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.

I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

You might be a redneck if you've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

You might be a redneck if there are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

You might be a redneck if you go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.

If your wife’s hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you have to go down to the creek to take a bath.

You might be a redneck if you've never paid for a haircut.

You might be a redneck if you think a 'cursor' is someone who swears a lot.

You might be a redneck if the rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.

You might be a redneck if you've ever bought a used cap.

You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to "git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn..."

One in the morning, you have people waiting for a booth to open at a Waffle House.