Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 20

You might be a redneck if your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.

You might be a redneck if there is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.

You might be a redneck if you've ever bought a used cap.

I was talking to Alan Jackson. He had his second Greatest Hits album. He said, You don't ever get into this really thinking you're gonna make it.

I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

You might be a redneck if your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on!"

You might be a redneck if someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.

You might be a redneck if you’ve got more than three cousins named "Bubba."

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow.

You might be a redneck if you refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."

You might be a redneck if your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

You find out that all this stuff you've accumulated, you could care less about it. It's just the relationships that matter.

I was like, 'Have you all heard me talk?' You know, nobody's making Seinfeld live in Indiana.