Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 20

461 quotes

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

You might be a redneck if the rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.

You might be a redneck if you go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.

Talking with Gary Busey is kinda like sex. You want to do it, you just don't want to be alone when you do it.

I was talking to Alan Jackson. He had his second Greatest Hits album. He said, You don't ever get into this really thinking you're gonna make it.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you have to go down to the creek to take a bath.

You might be a redneck if you think a 'cursor' is someone who swears a lot.

One in the morning, you have people waiting for a booth to open at a Waffle House.

You might be a redneck if you use a 55 Chevy as a guest house.

You might be a redneck if you've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

You might be a redneck if you've ever bought a used cap.