Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 20

I was talking to Alan Jackson. He had his second Greatest Hits album. He said, You don't ever get into this really thinking you're gonna make it.

You might be a redneck if you’ve got more than three cousins named "Bubba."

You might be a redneck if you've ever shot a deer from inside your house.

You might be a redneck if you've ever bought a used cap.

You might be a redneck if there is a wasp nest in your living room.

I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

You find out that all this stuff you've accumulated, you could care less about it. It's just the relationships that matter.

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."

One in the morning, you have people waiting for a booth to open at a Waffle House.

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

I was like, 'Have you all heard me talk?' You know, nobody's making Seinfeld live in Indiana.

You might be a redneck if you use a 55 Chevy as a guest house.