Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 21

You might be a redneck if you keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

You might be a redneck if your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on!"

You might be a redneck if your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.

You might be a redneck if you refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."

You might be a redneck if someone in your family says "Cum'n heer an' lookit this afore I flush it."

Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.

You might be a redneck if you pick your teeth from a catalog.

You might be a redneck if you consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.

You might be a redneck if you have ever been accused of lying through your tooth.

You might be a redneck if you got into a fistfight at your last yard sale.

You might be a redneck if you think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You might be a redneck if the diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".

You might be a redneck if you hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.

You might be a redneck if you've totaled every car you've ever owned.

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't "juicy".