Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 21

I was like, 'Have you all heard me talk?' You know, nobody's making Seinfeld live in Indiana.

One in the morning, you have people waiting for a booth to open at a Waffle House.

You might be a redneck if your best ashtray is a turtle shell.

You might be a redneck if you fainted when you met Slim Whitman.

You might be a redneck if your wife's hairdo attracts bees.

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.

You might be a redneck if the rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.

You might be a redneck if you've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you use a 55 Chevy as a guest house.

You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.

You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.

If your wife’s hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.

I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.

You might be a redneck if you've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.