Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 21

You might be a redneck if you've ever bought a used cap.

You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to "git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn..."

You might be a redneck if you've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

One in the morning, you have people waiting for a booth to open at a Waffle House.

You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.

You might be a redneck if you own a homemade fur coat.

You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

You might be a redneck if you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.

You might be a redneck if your best ashtray is a turtle shell.

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.

You might be a redneck if your wife's hairdo attracts bees.

I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When she is in a good mood it turns blue, but when she is in a bad mood there is a red mark across my forehead.

I was like, 'Have you all heard me talk?' You know, nobody's making Seinfeld live in Indiana.