Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 22

You might be a redneck if there is a wasp nest in your living room.

You might be a redneck if you've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.

If you think the French Riviera is foreign car, you might be a redneck.

In my life, I have driven some crappy vehicles. But I have never been so desperate for a vehicle that I wanted a used rental car.

You might be a redneck if you got into a fistfight at your last yard sale.

You might be a redneck if your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.

You might be a redneck if you've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

You might be a redneck if your coat-of-arms features kudzu.

You might be a redneck if the diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".

You might be a redneck if you think a 'cursor' is someone who swears a lot.

You might be a redneck if you've ever bought lingerie at a yard sale.

You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

If birds are attracted to your beard, you might be a redneck.