Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 22
You might be a redneck if you've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.
I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.
You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.
You might be a redneck if your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
My wife is like, You finally get your own TV show, you can have any kind of car you want and you get a darned truck. But my brother and I have the same kind of truck now.
You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.
Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.
You might be a redneck if you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.
You might be a redneck if you've ever shot anyone for looking at you.
You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.