Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 22

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't "juicy".

You might be a redneck if the richest member of your family bought a house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.

You might be a redneck if an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.

You might be a redneck if Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".

You might be a redneck if momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.

As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things.

I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.

You might be a redneck if you gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."

You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

You might be a redneck if motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

You might be a redneck if you smoked during your wedding.

You might be a redneck if your wife has ever burned out an electric razor.

I was like, 'Have you all heard me talk?' You know, nobody's making Seinfeld live in Indiana.

If you think the French Riviera is foreign car, you might be a redneck.