Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 22

You might be a redneck if you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

I was like, 'Have you all heard me talk?' You know, nobody's making Seinfeld live in Indiana.

You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.

You might be a redneck if you fainted when you met Slim Whitman.

You might be a redneck if you own a homemade fur coat.

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.

You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.

You might be a redneck if someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.

If birds are attracted to your beard, you might be a redneck.

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.

I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When she is in a good mood it turns blue, but when she is in a bad mood there is a red mark across my forehead.

You might be a redneck if you participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".

This woman came up to me at the book signing. She had the biggest butt I have ever seen in my life. And you've seen these kind of people. They're like, from the waist up, they're built kind of normally. And then from the waist down, it's like an explosion took place.

You might be a redneck if your baby's favorite teething ring is the garden hose in the front yard.

You might be a redneck if you've ever shot anyone for looking at you.