Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 22

You might be a redneck if you've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

You might be a redneck if you've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.

You might be a redneck if your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.

This woman came up to me at the book signing. She had the biggest butt I have ever seen in my life. And you've seen these kind of people. They're like, from the waist up, they're built kind of normally. And then from the waist down, it's like an explosion took place.

You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.

You might be a redneck if you've ever bought lingerie at a yard sale.

You might be a redneck if you've ever shot anyone for looking at you.

You might be a redneck if you own a homemade fur coat.

If birds are attracted to your beard, you might be a redneck.

If you think the French Riviera is foreign car, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you think a 'cursor' is someone who swears a lot.

You might be a redneck if the diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".

People always ask me, "Did you see Larry's latest movie?" I always say, "No, but I flushed a ten dollar bill down the toilet, so I feel like I've seen it."

My wife is like, You finally get your own TV show, you can have any kind of car you want and you get a darned truck. But my brother and I have the same kind of truck now.

In my life, I have driven some crappy vehicles. But I have never been so desperate for a vehicle that I wanted a used rental car.