Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 22

You might be a redneck if the diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".

You might be a redneck if somebody hollers "ho-down" and your girlfriend hits the floor.

You might be a redneck if you think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

I really don't require a whole lot in life.

You might be a redneck if you refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."

In my life, I have driven some crappy vehicles. But I have never been so desperate for a vehicle that I wanted a used rental car.

You might be a redneck if you hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.

You might be a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.

Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't "juicy".

You might be a redneck if you have ever been accused of lying through your tooth.

You might be a redneck if motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.

You might be a redneck if you pick your teeth from a catalog.

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

You might be a redneck if you use a 55 Chevy as a guest house.