Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 22

You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.

You might be a redneck if you've ever bought lingerie at a yard sale.

You might be a redneck if your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.

You might be a redneck if you think a 'cursor' is someone who swears a lot.

This woman came up to me at the book signing. She had the biggest butt I have ever seen in my life. And you've seen these kind of people. They're like, from the waist up, they're built kind of normally. And then from the waist down, it's like an explosion took place.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

If birds are attracted to your beard, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.

You might be a redneck if the diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".

My wife is like, You finally get your own TV show, you can have any kind of car you want and you get a darned truck. But my brother and I have the same kind of truck now.

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.

You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

You might be a redneck if someone in your family says "Cum'n heer an' lookit this afore I flush it."

You might be a redneck if you consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.