Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 23

I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When she is in a good mood it turns blue, but when she is in a bad mood there is a red mark across my forehead.

People always ask me, "Did you see Larry's latest movie?" I always say, "No, but I flushed a ten dollar bill down the toilet, so I feel like I've seen it."

You might be a redneck if you've ever shot anyone for looking at you.

You might be a redneck if you own a homemade fur coat.

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.

You might be a redneck if you consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.

You might be a redneck if your baby's favorite teething ring is the garden hose in the front yard.

You might be a redneck if you can't tell what color your car is because of the dirt.

You might be a redneck if you've ever bought lingerie at a yard sale.

You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

In my life, I have driven some crappy vehicles. But I have never been so desperate for a vehicle that I wanted a used rental car.

You might be a redneck if you got into a fistfight at your last yard sale.

You might be a redneck if you keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.