Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 23
You might be a redneck if you've ever bought lingerie at a yard sale.
You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.
Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.
You might be a redneck if your back porch is bigger than your house.
You might be a redneck if you got into a fistfight at your last yard sale.
You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
You might be a redneck if your baby's favorite teething ring is the garden hose in the front yard.
You might be a redneck if somebody hollers "ho-down" and your girlfriend hits the floor.
You might be a redneck if you list your parole officer as a reference.
I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.
You might be a redneck if you can spit without opening your mouth.
You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to "git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn..."
As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things.
You might be a redneck if you have ever been accused of lying through your tooth.