Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 23

You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

You might be a redneck if you have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.

I really don't require a whole lot in life.

You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

You might be a redneck if you can spit without opening your mouth.

You might be a redneck if the ASPCA raids your kitchen.

The CMT folks, there was a genuine enthusiasm that I've never had in television before on the executive side.

You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

You might be a redneck if you can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

You might be a redneck if you think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouvre.

You might be a redneck if... your child's first words are 'Attention K-Mart shoppers!'

You might be a redneck if you participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".

This woman came up to me at the book signing. She had the biggest butt I have ever seen in my life. And you've seen these kind of people. They're like, from the waist up, they're built kind of normally. And then from the waist down, it's like an explosion took place.