Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 23

I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.

I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When she is in a good mood it turns blue, but when she is in a bad mood there is a red mark across my forehead.

If you think the French Riviera is foreign car, you might be a redneck.

People always ask me, "Did you see Larry's latest movie?" I always say, "No, but I flushed a ten dollar bill down the toilet, so I feel like I've seen it."

You might be a redneck if you got into a fistfight at your last yard sale.

You might be a redneck if your baby's favorite teething ring is the garden hose in the front yard.

You might be a redneck if you list your parole officer as a reference.

You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

You might be a redneck if you've ever shot anyone for looking at you.

You might be a redneck if you own a homemade fur coat.

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

You might be a redneck if you can't tell what color your car is because of the dirt.

You might be a redneck if you participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.

In my life, I have driven some crappy vehicles. But I have never been so desperate for a vehicle that I wanted a used rental car.