Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 23
I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.
You might be a redneck if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.
I was like, 'Have you all heard me talk?' You know, nobody's making Seinfeld live in Indiana.
You might be a redneck if you can spit without opening your mouth.
You might be a redneck if you gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."
You might be a redneck if your dad's cell number has nothing to do with a telephone.
You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.
You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.
This woman came up to me at the book signing. She had the biggest butt I have ever seen in my life. And you've seen these kind of people. They're like, from the waist up, they're built kind of normally. And then from the waist down, it's like an explosion took place.
You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
You might be a redneck if you participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".
You might be a redneck if none of your shirts cover your stomach.
You might be a redneck if... your child's first words are 'Attention K-Mart shoppers!'