Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 23
If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't "juicy".
You might be a redneck if you think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
You might be a redneck if you've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.
You might be a redneck if the diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".
My wife is like, You finally get your own TV show, you can have any kind of car you want and you get a darned truck. But my brother and I have the same kind of truck now.
This woman came up to me at the book signing. She had the biggest butt I have ever seen in my life. And you've seen these kind of people. They're like, from the waist up, they're built kind of normally. And then from the waist down, it's like an explosion took place.
You might be a redneck if your baby's favorite teething ring is the garden hose in the front yard.
You might be a redneck if you've ever bought lingerie at a yard sale.
Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.
I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.
You might be a redneck if you got into a fistfight at your last yard sale.
You might be a redneck if you've ever shot anyone for looking at you.
You might be a redneck if your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.