Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 23

You might be a redneck if your baby's favorite teething ring is the garden hose in the front yard.

You might be a redneck if the diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".

You might be a redneck if you were shooting pool when your kids were born.

People always ask me, "Did you see Larry's latest movie?" I always say, "No, but I flushed a ten dollar bill down the toilet, so I feel like I've seen it."

I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.

In my life, I have driven some crappy vehicles. But I have never been so desperate for a vehicle that I wanted a used rental car.

You might be a redneck if you keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

You might be a redneck if your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.

You might be a redneck if your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.

Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't "juicy".

You might be a redneck if you’ve got more than three cousins named "Bubba."