Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 24
You might be a redneck if you have the taxidermist's number on speed-dial.
You might be a redneck if you have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When she is in a good mood it turns blue, but when she is in a bad mood there is a red mark across my forehead.
If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't "juicy".
You might be a redneck if you have ever been accused of lying through your tooth.
You might be a redneck if your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.
I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.
You might be a redneck if motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.
You might be a redneck if there are more dishes in your sink than in your cabinets.
Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.
You might be a redneck if... your child's first words are 'Attention K-Mart shoppers!'
You might be a redneck if someone in your family says "Cum'n heer an' lookit this afore I flush it."
As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things.
If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute; tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!