Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 24

You might be a redneck if you keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

You might be a redneck if your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't "juicy".

You might be a redneck if you list your parole officer as a reference.

You might be a redneck if you think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouvre.

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

You might be a redneck if you were shooting pool when your kids were born.

You might be a redneck if you have the taxidermist's number on speed-dial.

If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute; tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!

You might be a redneck if your coat-of-arms features kudzu.

You might be a redneck if momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.

You might be a redneck if your back porch is bigger than your house.

You might be a redneck if you have ever been accused of lying through your tooth.

This book is just a collection of my drawings. I never really showed them to anybody but my wife, and she always laughed at them.

As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things.