Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 24

This woman came up to me at the book signing. She had the biggest butt I have ever seen in my life. And you've seen these kind of people. They're like, from the waist up, they're built kind of normally. And then from the waist down, it's like an explosion took place.

You might be a redneck if the richest member of your family bought a house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.

You might be a redneck if you’ve got more than three cousins named "Bubba."

You might be a redneck if you list your parole officer as a reference.

You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

You might be a redneck if you have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.

You might be a redneck if you've ever shot anyone for looking at you.

You might be a redneck if you've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.

You might be a redneck if you can spit without opening your mouth.

You might be a redneck if the ASPCA raids your kitchen.

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

You might be a redneck if any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.

You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

You might be a redneck if none of your shirts cover your stomach.