Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 25

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

You might be a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.

You may be a redneck if... you think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.

You might be a redneck if you were shooting pool when your kids were born.

I was talking to Alan Jackson. He had his second Greatest Hits album. He said, You don't ever get into this really thinking you're gonna make it.

You might be a redneck if you use the O on a stop sign to sight your new rifle.

You might be a redneck if you've ever bought a used cap.

You might be a redneck if someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.

You find out that all this stuff you've accumulated, you could care less about it. It's just the relationships that matter.

You might be a redneck if your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.

You might be a redneck if you've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.