Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 25

You might be a redneck if any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.

I was like, 'Have you all heard me talk?' You know, nobody's making Seinfeld live in Indiana.

You might be a redneck if you participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".

You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to "git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn..."

You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.

The CMT folks, there was a genuine enthusiasm that I've never had in television before on the executive side.

You might be a redneck if you smoked during your wedding.

You might be a redneck if your dad's cell number has nothing to do with a telephone.

You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

You might be a redneck if you fainted when you met Slim Whitman.

You might be a redneck if your wife's hairdo attracts bees.

You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

You might be a redneck if you have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.

You might be a redneck if you gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."

This book is just a collection of my drawings. I never really showed them to anybody but my wife, and she always laughed at them.