Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 25
If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute; tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!
You might be a redneck if you have ever been accused of lying through your tooth.
You might be a redneck if you can't tell what color your car is because of the dirt.
You might be a redneck if... your child's first words are 'Attention K-Mart shoppers!'
This book is just a collection of my drawings. I never really showed them to anybody but my wife, and she always laughed at them.
As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things.
You might be a redneck if an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.
You might be a redneck if you hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
You might be a redneck if you have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
You might be a redneck if none of your shirts cover your stomach.
You might be a redneck if Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".