Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 25

If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute; tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!

You might be a redneck if you've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.

I really don't require a whole lot in life.

This book is just a collection of my drawings. I never really showed them to anybody but my wife, and she always laughed at them.

You might be a redneck if somebody hollers "ho-down" and your girlfriend hits the floor.

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your Junior/Senior Prom had a day care.

You might be a redneck if your wife has ever burned out an electric razor.

You might be a redneck if momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

You might be a redneck if you have a rag for a gas cap on a car that does run.

You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

The biggest thing I've learned is to listen to my own gut. I have learned to trust my instincts.

You might be a redneck if you have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.

You might be a redneck if your back porch is bigger than your house.