Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 26
The CMT folks, there was a genuine enthusiasm that I've never had in television before on the executive side.
If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute; tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!
You might be a redneck if the richest member of your family bought a house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.
You might be a redneck if you can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
You might be a redneck if momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.
I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
You might be a redneck if you gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."
You might be a redneck if you have a rag for a gas cap on a car that does run.
You might be a redneck if your dad's cell number has nothing to do with a telephone.
You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.
You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.