Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 26

You might be a redneck if... your child's first words are 'Attention K-Mart shoppers!'

The CMT folks, there was a genuine enthusiasm that I've never had in television before on the executive side.

You might be a redneck if you have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.

You might be a redneck if you consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.

You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.

You might be a redneck if the ASPCA raids your kitchen.

You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

You might be a redneck if you have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.

You might be a redneck if your dad's cell number has nothing to do with a telephone.

You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

You might be a redneck if you have a rag for a gas cap on a car that does run.

You might be a redneck if you gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."

You might be a redneck if you smoked during your wedding.

You might be a redneck if your masseuse uses lard.

You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.