Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 26

You might be a redneck if you think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.

You might be a redneck if your wife's hairdo attracts bees.

This book is just a collection of my drawings. I never really showed them to anybody but my wife, and she always laughed at them.

You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to "git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn..."

You might be a redneck if there are more dishes in your sink than in your cabinets.

You might be a redneck if your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.

You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.

You might be a redneck if your primary source of income is the pawn shop.

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.

If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute; tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!

You might be a redneck if your Junior/Senior Prom had a day care.

You might be a redneck if you have the taxidermist's number on speed-dial.

You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray.

You might be a redneck if your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

The biggest thing I've learned is to listen to my own gut. I have learned to trust my instincts.