Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 27

You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.

You might be a redneck if you're an expert on worm beds.

You might be a redneck if you can't tell what color your car is because of the dirt.

In my life, I have driven some crappy vehicles. But I have never been so desperate for a vehicle that I wanted a used rental car.

I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.

My wife is like, You finally get your own TV show, you can have any kind of car you want and you get a darned truck. But my brother and I have the same kind of truck now.

You might be a redneck if your baby's favorite teething ring is the garden hose in the front yard.

You might be a redneck if the biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.

You might be a redneck if you've ever used lard in bed.

You might be a redneck if you just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.

You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

There's no down time any more.

You might be a redneck if your coat-of-arms features kudzu.

You might be a redneck if you think Silence of the Lambs is what happens when Larry walks out to the barn.