Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 27

You might be a redneck if you smoked during your wedding.

You might be a redneck if your dad's cell number has nothing to do with a telephone.

You might be a redneck if you've ever used lard in bed.

I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.

You might be a redneck if the richest member of your family bought a house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.

You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.

Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.

You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

You might be a redneck if you think Silence of the Lambs is what happens when Larry walks out to the barn.

You might be a redneck if your masseuse uses lard.

You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

You might be a redneck if you just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.

You might be a redneck if the ASPCA raids your kitchen.

You might be a redneck if your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.

You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.