Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 27

I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.

You might be a redneck if you have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

You might be a redneck if you've ever used lard in bed.

You might be a redneck if your primary source of income is the pawn shop.

The biggest thing I've learned is to listen to my own gut. I have learned to trust my instincts.

You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

You might be a redneck if you smoked during your wedding.

You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

You might be a redneck if the ASPCA raids your kitchen.

You might be a redneck if your masseuse uses lard.

You might be a redneck if your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.

You might be a redneck if you just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.

You might be a redneck if you think Silence of the Lambs is what happens when Larry walks out to the barn.

You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.