Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 27

You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute; tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!

You might be a redneck if there are more dishes in your sink than in your cabinets.

You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.

You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.

You might be a redneck if you've ever used lard in bed.

The biggest thing I've learned is to listen to my own gut. I have learned to trust my instincts.

You might be a redneck if you have the taxidermist's number on speed-dial.

You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

You might be a redneck if you're an expert on worm beds.

You might be a redneck if you just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.

You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.

You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray.

You might be a redneck if you think Silence of the Lambs is what happens when Larry walks out to the barn.

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'