Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 27

You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

You might be a redneck if you smoked during your wedding.

You might be a redneck if your masseuse uses lard.

You might be a redneck if the richest member of your family bought a house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.

You might be a redneck if your dad's cell number has nothing to do with a telephone.

You might be a redneck if you can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

You might be a redneck if you've ever used lard in bed.

I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.

Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.

You might be a redneck if you think Silence of the Lambs is what happens when Larry walks out to the barn.

You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

You might be a redneck if the ASPCA raids your kitchen.

You might be a redneck if you just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.

You might be a redneck if your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.

You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.