Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 27

The biggest thing I've learned is to listen to my own gut. I have learned to trust my instincts.

You might be a redneck if you've ever used lard in bed.

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

You might be a redneck if you gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."

You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

You might be a redneck if there are more dishes in your sink than in your cabinets.

You might be a redneck if your Junior/Senior Prom had a day care.

You might be a redneck if the ASPCA raids your kitchen.

You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

You might be a redneck if you think Silence of the Lambs is what happens when Larry walks out to the barn.

You might be a redneck if any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.

You might be a redneck if your masseuse uses lard.

You might be a redneck if you smoked during your wedding.

You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.

You might be a redneck if you just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.