Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 27

You might be a redneck if you've ever used lard in bed.

You might be a redneck if you think Silence of the Lambs is what happens when Larry walks out to the barn.

In my life, I have driven some crappy vehicles. But I have never been so desperate for a vehicle that I wanted a used rental car.

You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray.

You might be a redneck if your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute; tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!

You might be a redneck if your baby's favorite teething ring is the garden hose in the front yard.

You might be a redneck if your coat-of-arms features kudzu.

You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.

You might be a redneck if you're an expert on worm beds.

You might be a redneck if your primary source of income is the pawn shop.

I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.

You might be a redneck if you have the taxidermist's number on speed-dial.

You might be a redneck if the best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'