Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 28

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

There's no down time any more.

In my life, I have driven some crappy vehicles. But I have never been so desperate for a vehicle that I wanted a used rental car.

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

You might be a redneck if the best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.

You might be a redneck if your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.

You might be a redneck if you have started a petition to change the National Anthem to "Georgia on My Mind".

You might be a redneck if your Junior/Senior Prom had a day care.

You might be a redneck if during your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.

You might be a redneck if you've ever held somebody up with a caulk gun.

You might be a redneck if someone tells you you have something in your teeth, and you take them out to see what it is.

You might be a redneck if you consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.

You might be a redneck if getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

You might be a redneck if your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.