Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 29
What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.
You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
You might be a redneck if in tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"
You might be a redneck if someone tells you you have something in your teeth, and you take them out to see what it is.
You might be a redneck if you've ever worn shorts to a funeral home.
People always ask me, "Did you see Larry's latest movie?" I always say, "No, but I flushed a ten dollar bill down the toilet, so I feel like I've seen it."
You might be a redneck if your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".
People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.
You might be a redneck if your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
If you think a quaterhorse is that ride in front of Kmart... you might be a rednneck.
My whole career can be summed up with 'Ignorance is bliss.' When you do not know better, you do not really worry about failing.
You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.