Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 29

You might be a redneck if you haul more than U-Haul.

You might be a redneck if you've ever worn shorts to a funeral home.

You might be a redneck if in tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"

There's no down time any more.

I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.

You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

In my life, I have driven some crappy vehicles. But I have never been so desperate for a vehicle that I wanted a used rental car.

You might be a redneck if you entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

If you think a quaterhorse is that ride in front of Kmart... you might be a rednneck.

You might be a redneck if you're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.

You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

My whole career can be summed up with 'Ignorance is bliss.' When you do not know better, you do not really worry about failing.

You might be a redneck if you have an Elvis Jell-o mold.

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.

You might be a redneck if your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.