Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 29

You might be a redneck if getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

You might be a redneck if in tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"

If you think a quaterhorse is that ride in front of Kmart... you might be a rednneck.

You might be a redneck if you've ever worn shorts to a funeral home.

You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

You might be a redneck if you have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.

You might be a redneck if there has ever been crime-scene tape on your front door.

You might be a redneck if you give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.

You might be a redneck if you haul more than U-Haul.

You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

You might be a redneck if your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.

I wasn't paying attention, what was wrong with me?

You might be a redneck if you saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.

My whole career can be summed up with 'Ignorance is bliss.' When you do not know better, you do not really worry about failing.