Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 29

I wasn't paying attention, what was wrong with me?

You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

You might be a redneck if you give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.

You might be a redneck if you haul more than U-Haul.

If you think a quaterhorse is that ride in front of Kmart... you might be a rednneck.

You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

You might be a redneck if in tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

You might be a redneck if you've ever worn shorts to a funeral home.

People always ask me, "Did you see Larry's latest movie?" I always say, "No, but I flushed a ten dollar bill down the toilet, so I feel like I've seen it."

You might be a redneck if your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".

You might be a redneck if your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.

You might be a redneck if you have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.

You don’t get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.

You might be a redneck if you're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.