Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 30

I wasn't paying attention, what was wrong with me?

You don’t get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.

You might be a redneck if your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.

You might be a redneck if you grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.

You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.

You might be a redneck if your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".

You might be a redneck if your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.

You might be a redneck if you can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

You might be a redneck if you have an Elvis Jell-o mold.

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

You might be a redneck if when you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.

You might be a redneck if you entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

You might be a redneck if your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.

I know God is real.