Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 3
Some people like to keep their grass cut really short, so they can see the intruders coming. Keep those kill zones open. I say let the grass grow tall so they don't know there's a house behind it. Some call it lazy, I say it's thinking.
You might be a redneck if an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger changed your life.
You might be a redneck if you think a 401(k) is your mother-in-law's bra size.
If you think the stock market has a fence around it, you might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
You might be a redneck if you work with a shirt off... and so does your husband.
You might be a redneck if your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
You might be a redneck if you've ever had your nipple bitten off by a beaver.
This one goes out to the fathers and uncles out there. Your shorts should be longer than your underwear! Especially if you wear tighty-whities. No one wants to look over at Uncle Fred and see something that looks like a baby bird.
Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.
You might be a redneck if your daughter’s Barbie’s Dream House has a clothesline in the front yard.
You might be a redneck if you’ve ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said "concentrate."
If your dog and your wallet are both on a chain, you might be a redneck.
All these years I've sat in airports and kind of drawn people and put like Far Side captions on them.