Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 3

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.

You might be a redneck if... you bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.

Nowadays you can’t even spank your kids. No, gotta give ‘em a time out. My dad would take time out of his busy day... to whip our ass.

You might be a redneck if you work with a shirt off... and so does your husband.

Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.

You might be a redneck if an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger changed your life.

You might be a redneck if you think a 401(k) is your mother-in-law's bra size.

You might be a redneck if you've ever had your nipple bitten off by a beaver.

You might be a redneck if your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.

This one goes out to the fathers and uncles out there. Your shorts should be longer than your underwear! Especially if you wear tighty-whities. No one wants to look over at Uncle Fred and see something that looks like a baby bird.

You might be a redneck if your daughter’s Barbie’s Dream House has a clothesline in the front yard.

All these years I've sat in airports and kind of drawn people and put like Far Side captions on them.

You might be a redneck if you’ve ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said "concentrate."

You might be a redneck if your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".

Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.