Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 6

You might be a redneck if you consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.

You might be a redneck if your dog passes gas and you claim it.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

You might be a redneck if your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire on her house.

If your wife has ever said ‘Come move this transmission so I can take a bath.’, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you bring your dog to work with you.

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

If you ever got too drunk to fish, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your wife's best shoes have steel toes.

You might be a redneck if you dated your daddy's current wife in high school.

You might be a redneck if you see a sign that says "Say No To Crack" and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.

You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!

I'm having my house repainted and we have a piano in the corner and the painter says, "Is that y'all's piano?" I said, "No, that's our coffee table; it just has buck teeth. Here's Your Sign."

My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!

You might be a redneck if... the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.