Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 7

If you ever got too drunk to fish, you might be a redneck.

My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!

You might be a redneck if Red Man sends you a Christmas card.

You might be a redneck if you owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.

You might be a redneck if you think subdivision is part of a math problem.

I’ve got keys to crap I’ve never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.

You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.

Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.

You might be a redneck if you refer to the fifth grade as "my senior year".

You might be a redneck if you use the term 'over yonder' more than once a month.

You might be a redneck if... the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.

You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.

You might be a redneck if your ironing board doubles as a buffet table.

You might be a redneck if your bumper sticker says, "My other car is a combine."