Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 7

You might be a redneck if... the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.

You might be a redneck if you think subdivision is part of a math problem.

You might be a redneck if your bumper sticker says, "My other car is a combine."

I’ve got keys to crap I’ve never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.

You might be a redneck if fewer than half of your cars run.

You might be a redneck if you refer to the fifth grade as "my senior year".

You might be a redneck if you owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.

You might be a redneck if your ironing board doubles as a buffet table.

You might be a redneck if you use the term 'over yonder' more than once a month.

You might be a redneck if your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."

You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"

You might be a redneck if your 'huntin dog' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the "pull my finger" trick at the family reunion.

I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.

If you stand under the misteletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Bobby-Sue Ellen to walk by, you might be a redneck.