Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 8

Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.

If you stand under the misteletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Bobby-Sue Ellen to walk by, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.

You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"

You might be a redneck if your Christmas cards have a copy of your butt included.

You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a tube-top to a funeral home.

You might be a redneck if you own at least 20 baseball hats.

If you have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.

You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the "pull my finger" trick at the family reunion.

You might be a redneck if you've ever used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.

You might be a redneck if your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."

I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.

You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.