Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 8

I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.

You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"

You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.

You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't.

If you stand under the misteletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Bobby-Sue Ellen to walk by, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you own at least 20 baseball hats.

Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.

You might be a redneck if you think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.

You might be a redneck if you have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.

You might be a redneck if your underwear doubles as your bathing suit.

You might be a redneck if you've ever taken an RV to a drive-in movie.

You might be a redneck if you know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.