Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 8

You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"

I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.

You might be a redneck if you think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't.

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.

If you stand under the misteletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Bobby-Sue Ellen to walk by, you might be a redneck.

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.

You might be a redneck if you've ever taken an RV to a drive-in movie.

You might be a redneck if you own at least 20 baseball hats.

You might be a redneck if you've ever shot somebody over a mall parking space.

You might be a redneck if you have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.

Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.

You might be a redneck if your underwear doubles as your bathing suit.

If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.