Quotes & Jokes by Jerry Seinfeld / page 10

I'm in the unfortunate position of having to consider other people's feelings.

TV commercials now show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem.

Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.