Quotes & Jokes by Jerry Seinfeld / page 9
The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!
Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on 'How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?'
When someone does a small task beautifully, their whole environment is affected by it.
The padded outfits, the bad scripts, the phony-looking sets... he dealt with it all. He had to. He was Superman.
I won't do something unless I can get at least two or three good laughs out of it. If I can't, it's not gonna make the team.
I'd like to do one of those jumps they do in the movies; in a car, over a bridge, in the air with a huge explosion. It would be a final moment of entertainment.
When you interrupt, you've stopped listening. People need to be heard.
The truth is, the family is much more creatively nourishing because you're playing on a full keyboard. Whereas when you're single, you're just playing the upbeat jazzy tunes.
There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."
Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.
The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun.