Quotes & Jokes by Jim Carrey / page 10

I wanted to be a veterinarian for about a week of my life when I was a kid. But I found out about the whole euthanasia thing and I said, "I can't commit to that, sorry!"

She just gave blood and she's still got enough to fill up her face.

I've tried everything. I've done therapy, I've done colonics. I went to a psychic who had me running around town buying pieces of ribbon to fill the colors in my aura. Did the Prozac thing.

I don't think you can know God unless you're passionate about him so you're either screaming at him, enraptured with the idea of being around him or feeling him in your life.

I'm very in love, but I'm not going to jump up and down on your couch. I'm sorry.

If we (Lauren and Jim) ever get married, we're just going to put helmets on, run into each other from a hundred yards, and smash together like rams

Like most Catholic boys, I wanted to be Jesus Christ. I could never get the turn-the-other-cheek thing down, though.