Quotes & Jokes by Jim Carrey / page 9

It's nice to finally get scripts offered to me that aren't the ones Tom Hanks wipes his butt with.

Always turn your wheel in the direction of the skid.

Our love is like a red, red rose... and I am a little thorny.

There was a time when people said, "Jim, if you keep on making faces, your face will freeze like that." Now they just say, "Pay him!"

Free cable is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

Don't you get it? Someone has to save all the other cable boys and girls, someone has to kill the babysitter.

I just want to be myself.

I'm a hard guy to live with. I'm like a caged animal. I'm up all night walking around the living room. It's hard for me to come down from what I do.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

I want to be the greatest actor that ever lived, frankly. I'd love that. But I don't need to be. I just want to be here. That's it.

The inner child runs rampant. They're just smaller, that's all.

I've tried everything. I've done therapy, I've done colonics. I went to a psychic who had me running around town buying pieces of ribbon to fill the colors in my aura. Did the Prozac thing.

My dad was like a stage mother he always pushed me to do what I wanted.

She just gave blood and she's still got enough to fill up her face.

I wanted to be a veterinarian for about a week of my life when I was a kid. But I found out about the whole euthanasia thing and I said, "I can't commit to that, sorry!"