Quotes & Jokes by Johnny Carson / page 2
My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
That would have been a great ticket, Reagan and Ford - an actor and a stuntman.
There is a power struggle going on between President Reagan's advisers. Moe and Curly are out. Larry is still in.
Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: "Are your ready?"
It was so hot today that Burger King was singing, "if you want it your way, cook it yourself."
Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.
Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
Happiness is being stuck in an elevator and discovering the ravishing blonde with you is a liquor salesman with a case of samples.
Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.