Quotes & Jokes by Jon Stewart / page 11
Because sometimes ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX NEWS, MSNBC, CNN, HEADLINE NEWS, CSPAN, and CSPAN 2 just aren't enough.
I don't care about wealth. What seems to be upsetting is institutionalizing the advantages that wealth gives you.
Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla.
Capote, of course, addressed very similar themes to Good Night and Good Luck. Both films are about determined journalists defying obstacles in a relentless pursuit of the truth. Needless to say, both are period pieces.
Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may.
If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us?
Several weeks ago, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford disappeared without explanation for five days. Now of course, as it turns out, he didn't really disappear. It turns out he was hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Which is a trail that starts in Maine and ends in an Argentine woman's vagina.
Oscar is 80 this year, which makes him now automatically the frontrunner for the Republican nomination.
Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle between tyranny and freedom - it's a series of pendulum swings.
Sitting around with funny people, banging out jokes and creating a television show. I have no hobbies, no outside interests. I'm fine with spending 14 hours a day putting a show together with tape and string.
I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's a charm.
The disasters build a sort of odd Diacid feeling. When my syndicated show got canceled, the next day I still knew how to write jokes. That was a huge revelation. Because at first you think, 'I won't have any shelter! What am I gonna do? The sun is hot. Very thirsty.'
Alright guys, I want to get out there and vote tomorrow. And not because it's cool, because it's not. You know what is cool? Smoking. Smoke while you vote.