Quotes & Jokes by Jon Stewart / page 11
Whenever you take over something that is popular and has a fanatical following that loves it, you're never going to please everyone. The trick is to have enough wherewithal to follow through with what you want to do with it and give it time to evolve.
The value of holding a grudge. And to always refer to my father sarcastically as Mr. Wonderful.
Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla.
Because sometimes ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX NEWS, MSNBC, CNN, HEADLINE NEWS, CSPAN, and CSPAN 2 just aren't enough.
Several weeks ago, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford disappeared without explanation for five days. Now of course, as it turns out, he didn't really disappear. It turns out he was hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Which is a trail that starts in Maine and ends in an Argentine woman's vagina.
Never name it after yourself. Maybe we'll throw a "with" in there. That seems to work. Like Late Show With David Letterman.
Sitting around with funny people, banging out jokes and creating a television show. I have no hobbies, no outside interests. I'm fine with spending 14 hours a day putting a show together with tape and string.
I don't know what all the controversy is about, quite frankly. I've met Eminem, I met him backstage, and he's really gay.
On an average day 7 minutes of news happens. Yet there are currently three full-time, 24-hour news networks.
He's not stupid ... he's not a retarded man ... he just doesn't give a shit about you, or anything.
Oscar is 80 this year, which makes him now automatically the frontrunner for the Republican nomination.
You can use your idealism to further your aims, if you realize that nothing is Nirvana, nothing is perfect.