Quotes & Jokes by Jon Stewart / page 11
I don't care about wealth. What seems to be upsetting is institutionalizing the advantages that wealth gives you.
Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle between tyranny and freedom - it's a series of pendulum swings.
The Westboro Baptist Church is no more a church than Church's Fried Chicken is a church.
Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may.
The currency of this show is your own head. They've established a certain structure here, but it's still in evolution.
Never name it after yourself. Maybe we'll throw a "with" in there. That seems to work. Like Late Show With David Letterman.
Oscar is 80 this year, which makes him now automatically the frontrunner for the Republican nomination.
I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's a charm.
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things.
If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us?
Alright guys, I want to get out there and vote tomorrow. And not because it's cool, because it's not. You know what is cool? Smoking. Smoke while you vote.
The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.
Several weeks ago, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford disappeared without explanation for five days. Now of course, as it turns out, he didn't really disappear. It turns out he was hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Which is a trail that starts in Maine and ends in an Argentine woman's vagina.