Quotes & Jokes by Jon Stewart / page 11
He's not stupid ... he's not a retarded man ... he just doesn't give a shit about you, or anything.
I don't care about wealth. What seems to be upsetting is institutionalizing the advantages that wealth gives you.
Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla.
The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.
I'm a little bit too obsessed with the news. I find the news easier to follow than narrative entertainment programs.
More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance to get in touch with prejudices they didn't even know they had.
Whenever you take over something that is popular and has a fanatical following that loves it, you're never going to please everyone. The trick is to have enough wherewithal to follow through with what you want to do with it and give it time to evolve.
Sitting around with funny people, banging out jokes and creating a television show. I have no hobbies, no outside interests. I'm fine with spending 14 hours a day putting a show together with tape and string.
President Bush's approval ratings have taken somewhat of a dive. A senior slump, if you will. Leading President Bush to one conclusion: He is the only one who realizes what a great job he's being doing.
They said I wasn't being funny. And I said to them, 'I know that, but tomorrow I will go back to being funny, and your show will still blow.'
You can use your idealism to further your aims, if you realize that nothing is Nirvana, nothing is perfect.
I don't know what all the controversy is about, quite frankly. I've met Eminem, I met him backstage, and he's really gay.
The value of holding a grudge. And to always refer to my father sarcastically as Mr. Wonderful.