Quotes & Jokes by Jon Stewart / page 12

You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things.

The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.

On an average day 7 minutes of news happens. Yet there are currently three full-time, 24-hour news networks.

The disasters build a sort of odd Diacid feeling. When my syndicated show got canceled, the next day I still knew how to write jokes. That was a huge revelation. Because at first you think, 'I won't have any shelter! What am I gonna do? The sun is hot. Very thirsty.'

They said I wasn't being funny. And I said to them, 'I know that, but tomorrow I will go back to being funny, and your show will still blow.'

Sitting around with funny people, banging out jokes and creating a television show. I have no hobbies, no outside interests. I'm fine with spending 14 hours a day putting a show together with tape and string.

I don't know what all the controversy is about, quite frankly. I've met Eminem, I met him backstage, and he's really gay.

The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith.

Capote, of course, addressed very similar themes to Good Night and Good Luck. Both films are about determined journalists defying obstacles in a relentless pursuit of the truth. Needless to say, both are period pieces.

You can use your idealism to further your aims, if you realize that nothing is Nirvana, nothing is perfect.

He's not stupid ... he's not a retarded man ... he just doesn't give a shit about you, or anything.

Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.

At first the difference will be in whatever atmosphere I bring into it. It's not going to be like, 'I really want to do The Daily Show and I'd love to turn it into an abstract musical.' I like the format and the chance to satirize the news.

More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance to get in touch with prejudices they didn't even know they had.

That is amazing! I mean these CEOs saying their own businesses are doing OK! I mean, it makes sense to take these CEOs word for it. For instance, I know O.J. Simpson. He told me he didn't kill anyone and he should know, he was there!