Quotes & Jokes by Jon Stewart / page 12
On an average day 7 minutes of news happens. Yet there are currently three full-time, 24-hour news networks.
Because sometimes ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX NEWS, MSNBC, CNN, HEADLINE NEWS, CSPAN, and CSPAN 2 just aren't enough.
Never name it after yourself. Maybe we'll throw a "with" in there. That seems to work. Like Late Show With David Letterman.
Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle between tyranny and freedom - it's a series of pendulum swings.
The Westboro Baptist Church is no more a church than Church's Fried Chicken is a church.
The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith.
We could overcome the baser aspects of our nature... and give this planet the kind of caretakers it deserves.
I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's a charm.
If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us?
At first the difference will be in whatever atmosphere I bring into it. It's not going to be like, 'I really want to do The Daily Show and I'd love to turn it into an abstract musical.' I like the format and the chance to satirize the news.
I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about. And that's really it. You know, if I really wanted to enact social change I have great respect for people who are in the front lines and the trenches of trying to enact social change. I am far lazier than that.
That is amazing! I mean these CEOs saying their own businesses are doing OK! I mean, it makes sense to take these CEOs word for it. For instance, I know O.J. Simpson. He told me he didn't kill anyone and he should know, he was there!
Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may.
The currency of this show is your own head. They've established a certain structure here, but it's still in evolution.