Quotes & Jokes by Jon Stewart / page 17
The only time a politico will try to avoid playing the blame game is when they or theirs are to blame.
When did our elections become the Special Olympics? You're not all winners. Not everyone gets a hug. You guys got crushed.
Historic in a good sense, not historic in a sense of 'so we dropped bombs on everyone.'
President Bush announced his new economic plan. The centerpiece was a proposed repeal of the dividend tax on stocks, a boon that could be worth millions of dollars to average Americans. Well, average stock-owning Americans. Technically, Americans who own a significant amount of shares in dividend-dealing companies. Well, rich people, that's what I'm trying to say. They're going to do really well with this.
Do you know what writing a book is? It's sitting alone in a room for weeks without making contact with another human. I felt like Howard Hughes.
When in doubt, I can stare blankly. The rubber face. There's only so many ways you can stare incredulously at the camera and tilt an eyebrow, but that's your old standby: What would Buster Keaton do?
If the guy in front of you at the polls has arm swords, you might want to considering filling out an absentee ballot.
Scores of Iraqi exiles met in London to discuss ways to overthrow Saddam Hussein in a grand gathering dubbed the 'Iraqi Military Alliance Meeting.' Of course, these people are no longer Iraqi, they have no military, and there is no alliance. But they did have a meeting.