Quotes & Jokes by Jon Stewart / page 17
The goals for me have changed somewhat. There's a bit of seduction to the idea of being on network, but it got to the point where that wasn't important. What's important is doing something worthwhile. Which is why I've always avoided being on a sitcom. Yeah, it's high-profile and it's on a network, but you know what? You could be on Suddenly Stewart.
Most world religions denounced war as a barbaric waste of human life. We treasured the teachings of these religions so dearly that we frequently had to wage war in order to impose them on other people.
We'd always sworn, we're taking 60 Minutes down. You, Frontline, all you guys. You're meat.
Despite his infirmities, Strom Thurmond showed up to work every day and did not miss a Senate vote in his final year, though no one is sure if a shouted "Bingo!" counted as a yea or a nay.
The only time a politico will try to avoid playing the blame game is when they or theirs are to blame.
Do you know what writing a book is? It's sitting alone in a room for weeks without making contact with another human. I felt like Howard Hughes.
You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.
Why would these English explorers search for these spices, yet never use them in their food?
I thinking gay and straight people use the same putters, it's not a matter of putters but a matter of hole selection.
Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.
Scores of Iraqi exiles met in London to discuss ways to overthrow Saddam Hussein in a grand gathering dubbed the 'Iraqi Military Alliance Meeting.' Of course, these people are no longer Iraqi, they have no military, and there is no alliance. But they did have a meeting.
Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates.