Quotes & Jokes by Kevin James / page 3

Once a year my back will go out and it'll be... it's like a sciatic thing and it's the smallest thing. Like I could be leaning over the sink to brush my teeth in a weird way and it happens.

You know, when you're a fat guy you don't need a reason to sweat. Guys come up to me and go "Jeez... what have you been doing - jumping rope in the attic or something?" "Umm, no... I peeled an orange about an hour ago, why?"

How about we work out a plan at my apartment and dinner should be around. So we can just do both.

A song can take you to a special time in your life.

I had my boy in Boston on Easter Sunday. That kills me, from a sports perspective. He's a Boston baby and I'm a New York guy.

I've always had something in my heart where I root for guys who struggle with women.

The mind is the only weapon that doesn't need a holister.

I know De Niro, you know, it's all famous that he packed on 60 pounds for Raging Bull, but ah, he just did it for one movie, I do that for every movie.

Why do you always give me jobs you know I'm going to fail at?

I try to connect with the everyday, every guy.

I never played a musical instrument growing up but I knew kids who did and took it very seriously.

I don't want to be known as this goody-two-shoes who can only do comedies where puppies are licking peanut butter off my face.

Every few months I'll pop into a comedy club or go to Vegas.

I did stand-up my whole career, and Vince didn't, and it's a little frustrating when he's funnier than me, and that bothers me a little bit.

I would always love to be an athlete, but it's got to be a tough day when you have to hang up those cleats.