Quotes & Jokes by Louis C. K. / page 11

I grew up watching all these crazy movies, European movies and stuff, and I guess that I always laughed at things that were a little more offbeat.

Everything that’s difficult you should be able to laugh about.

We spend all our time now on customer service phone calls. I used to read when I was on the toilet, but now that's when I make customer service calls.

I like all ladies of all different ages.

The problem is, the more famous you get, the more people see you who didn't choose to.

It's easier to cancel a show if it's expensive.

I don't believe in this idea of, 'That's hate speech, stop it.'

I'm not a political comedian. That's just not what I do.

There's been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It's really easy to say, 'Well, you're Christian, you're anti-this and that, and I hate you.' But to me, it's more interesting to say, 'What is this person like and how do they really think?'

It's really the kids that do you in. We have two kids. That's fucking stupid. Don't do that.

Don't smoke pot. Don't bitch. Don't give up. Go on stage anywhere. Try, fail, repeat.

I wish I could keep a journal. I have a lot of journals with one page half written in. I sometimes will write myself a quick email on my Blackberry when I think of something.

I had five dollars in the bank that I couldn't have for three days until they charged me another 15. Leaving me with -10. What does that mean? I don't even have no money any more. I wish I had nothing. But I don't have it. I don't have that much. I have not ten. Negative ten. I can't afford to buy something that doesn't cost anything. I can only afford to get something that costs you give me ten dollars.

Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing.

To me the goal of comedy is to just laugh, which is a really high hearted thing, visceral connection and reaction.