Quotes & Jokes by Louis C. K. / page 11

242 quotes

They charged me 15 dollars. That's how much it costs to only have 20 dollars.

I don't like comedy. I like funny things. I don't like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, 'Oh Jesus.'

Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing.

The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling you what it's about and I'm not telling you who's in it.

To me the goal of comedy is to just laugh, which is a really high hearted thing, visceral connection and reaction.

How many advantages can one person have? I'm a white man!

When you write from your gut and let the stuff stay flawed and don't let anybody tell you to make it better, it can end up looking like nothing else.

Some things I think are very conservative, or very liberal. I think when someone falls into one category for everything, I'm very suspicious. It doesn't make sense to me that you'd have the same solution to every issue.

My kids are really easy. I often worry that they're too easy to deal with. They're really nice people.

Life is full of horrible mistakes.

I had five dollars in the bank that I couldn't have for three days until they charged me another 15. Leaving me with -10. What does that mean? I don't even have no money any more. I wish I had nothing. But I don't have it. I don't have that much. I have not ten. Negative ten. I can't afford to buy something that doesn't cost anything. I can only afford to get something that costs you give me ten dollars.

I'm not a political comedian. That's just not what I do.

I was a nerd growing up, and I'm a little antisocial and awkward.

To me, it's very exhilarating when somebody else does a great thing, and it's not me.

Sorry, Americans only buy things that come from suffering. They just enjoy it more when they know someones getting hurt.