Quotes & Jokes by Louis C. K. / page 12

To me, it's very exhilarating when somebody else does a great thing, and it's not me.

When I read things like the foundations of capitalism are shattering, I'm like, maybe we need that. Maybe we need some time where we're walking around with a donkey with pots clanging on the sides.

When you write from your gut and let the stuff stay flawed and don't let anybody tell you to make it better, it can end up looking like nothing else.

My kids are really easy. I often worry that they're too easy to deal with. They're really nice people.

Everything that people say is testable.

Sorry, Americans only buy things that come from suffering. They just enjoy it more when they know someones getting hurt.

Life is full of horrible mistakes.

I'd like to name my kid a whole phrase. You know, something like "Ladies and Gentlemen". That'll be a cool name for a kid. "This is my son, Ladies and Gentlemen!" Then, when he gets out of hand, I get to go, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please!"

Credibility lasts about two cycles of bad material, and then you'll probably never get it back. If you let people down, that's really hard to come back from - harder than climbing from nothing to something, even.

I'd love to have a shitty job. I couldn't hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I'm an idiot that way.

I could never sit down and write jokes.

When you're young as a comic, you don't have a lot of leverage.

I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping as we all should. I dunno. You don't live that long. It doesn't matter.

I am really tired of looking at my hips. I’m seriously really tired of standing naked in the mirror and staring at my hips for hours and hours while muttering, "You hips. You hips need to get it together."

For my scale, how I grew up and live my life, I'm making plenty of money.