Quotes & Jokes by Louis C. K. / page 12

I wish I could keep a journal. I have a lot of journals with one page half written in. I sometimes will write myself a quick email on my Blackberry when I think of something.

I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping as we all should. I dunno. You don't live that long. It doesn't matter.

I'd love to have a shitty job. I couldn't hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I'm an idiot that way.

When I read things like the foundations of capitalism are shattering, I'm like, maybe we need that. Maybe we need some time where we're walking around with a donkey with pots clanging on the sides.

Credibility lasts about two cycles of bad material, and then you'll probably never get it back. If you let people down, that's really hard to come back from - harder than climbing from nothing to something, even.

I grew up watching all these crazy movies, European movies and stuff, and I guess that I always laughed at things that were a little more offbeat.

I always tell my kids to cut a sandwich in half right when you get it, and the first thought you should have is somebody else. You only ever need half a burger.

For my scale, how I grew up and live my life, I'm making plenty of money.

I could never sit down and write jokes.

Well, when I was younger, I lied all the time, because once you understand the power of lying, it's really like magic because you transform reality for people.

Some entertainers don't pay attention to what's going on around them.

When you're young as a comic, you don't have a lot of leverage.

I don't have a room full of writers pitching ideas. It's just me out of my head.

I am really tired of looking at my hips. I’m seriously really tired of standing naked in the mirror and staring at my hips for hours and hours while muttering, "You hips. You hips need to get it together."

I don't know what it's like to be an actor, where if your show gets canceled, really you're just a bum.