Quotes & Jokes by Louis C. K. / page 12
The problem is, the more famous you get, the more people see you who didn't choose to.
I thought for like five years that when you have sex, you come and one of your balls comes out. That's what I thought happened, that you have to come a ball out of that little whole at the tip of your dick. I was terrified! That's what I thought, you just... Bahh! And you push a ball out and she's screaming and there's blood everywhere...and you can only do it twice and then you're out of balls. That's what I thought. You come and have two babies, and then you just walk around with an empty sack for the rest of your life. Which turned out to be true...
For my scale, how I grew up and live my life, I'm making plenty of money.
To me the goal of comedy is to just laugh, which is a really high hearted thing, visceral connection and reaction.
It's really the kids that do you in. We have two kids. That's fucking stupid. Don't do that.
I wish I could keep a journal. I have a lot of journals with one page half written in. I sometimes will write myself a quick email on my Blackberry when I think of something.
Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing.
I had five dollars in the bank that I couldn't have for three days until they charged me another 15. Leaving me with -10. What does that mean? I don't even have no money any more. I wish I had nothing. But I don't have it. I don't have that much. I have not ten. Negative ten. I can't afford to buy something that doesn't cost anything. I can only afford to get something that costs you give me ten dollars.
My kids are really easy. I often worry that they're too easy to deal with. They're really nice people.
I don’t feel those limits when I’m on stage. For some reason, audiences let me get away with things. Remember, it’s all comedy. Words. Thoughts. All thoughts are safe and worth exploring.