Quotes & Jokes by Louis C. K. / page 12

Everything that people say is testable.

When I read things like the foundations of capitalism are shattering, I'm like, maybe we need that. Maybe we need some time where we're walking around with a donkey with pots clanging on the sides.

I'd like to name my kid a whole phrase. You know, something like "Ladies and Gentlemen". That'll be a cool name for a kid. "This is my son, Ladies and Gentlemen!" Then, when he gets out of hand, I get to go, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please!"

Don't smoke pot. Don't bitch. Don't give up. Go on stage anywhere. Try, fail, repeat.

I wish I could keep a journal. I have a lot of journals with one page half written in. I sometimes will write myself a quick email on my Blackberry when I think of something.

My kids are really easy. I often worry that they're too easy to deal with. They're really nice people.

Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing.

To me the goal of comedy is to just laugh, which is a really high hearted thing, visceral connection and reaction.

I am really tired of looking at my hips. I’m seriously really tired of standing naked in the mirror and staring at my hips for hours and hours while muttering, "You hips. You hips need to get it together."

I could never sit down and write jokes.

Life is full of horrible mistakes.

For my scale, how I grew up and live my life, I'm making plenty of money.

I'd love to have a shitty job. I couldn't hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I'm an idiot that way.

Credibility lasts about two cycles of bad material, and then you'll probably never get it back. If you let people down, that's really hard to come back from - harder than climbing from nothing to something, even.

When you're young as a comic, you don't have a lot of leverage.