Quotes & Jokes by Louis C. K. / page 12

When you write from your gut and let the stuff stay flawed and don't let anybody tell you to make it better, it can end up looking like nothing else.

I don't believe in this idea of, 'That's hate speech, stop it.'

When I read things like the foundations of capitalism are shattering, I'm like, maybe we need that. Maybe we need some time where we're walking around with a donkey with pots clanging on the sides.

Sorry, Americans only buy things that come from suffering. They just enjoy it more when they know someones getting hurt.

To me the goal of comedy is to just laugh, which is a really high hearted thing, visceral connection and reaction.

Don't smoke pot. Don't bitch. Don't give up. Go on stage anywhere. Try, fail, repeat.

I wish I could keep a journal. I have a lot of journals with one page half written in. I sometimes will write myself a quick email on my Blackberry when I think of something.

I am really tired of looking at my hips. I’m seriously really tired of standing naked in the mirror and staring at my hips for hours and hours while muttering, "You hips. You hips need to get it together."

Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing.

Everything that people say is testable.

I could never sit down and write jokes.

You have to be aware of who you're talking to in an audience.

I don’t know if you’ve ever had just five dollars in the bank, but I’ve found that if that’s all you have, you can’t get it out.

For my scale, how I grew up and live my life, I'm making plenty of money.

Life is full of horrible mistakes.