Quotes & Jokes by Louis C. K. / page 12

When you write from your gut and let the stuff stay flawed and don't let anybody tell you to make it better, it can end up looking like nothing else.

I wish I could keep a journal. I have a lot of journals with one page half written in. I sometimes will write myself a quick email on my Blackberry when I think of something.

My kids are really easy. I often worry that they're too easy to deal with. They're really nice people.

I don't believe in this idea of, 'That's hate speech, stop it.'

Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing.

To me the goal of comedy is to just laugh, which is a really high hearted thing, visceral connection and reaction.

When I read things like the foundations of capitalism are shattering, I'm like, maybe we need that. Maybe we need some time where we're walking around with a donkey with pots clanging on the sides.

I am really tired of looking at my hips. I’m seriously really tired of standing naked in the mirror and staring at my hips for hours and hours while muttering, "You hips. You hips need to get it together."

Everything that people say is testable.

You have to be aware of who you're talking to in an audience.

I could never sit down and write jokes.

Life is full of horrible mistakes.

For my scale, how I grew up and live my life, I'm making plenty of money.

I'd love to have a shitty job. I couldn't hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I'm an idiot that way.

I don’t know if you’ve ever had just five dollars in the bank, but I’ve found that if that’s all you have, you can’t get it out.