Quotes & Jokes by Milton Berle / page 8
Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
She was nice to him on Valentine’s Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
My son really has the spirit of Valentine’s Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry.
An adult western is where the hero still kisses his horse at the end, only now he worries about it.
I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
All my wife wanted for Valentine’s Day was a little card – American Express.
There are a lot of things money can’t buy. Not one of them is on my son’s list.
The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy.
Remember when you had your face lifted... and the guy brought it back.
That's a vicious rumour! A rumour started by a few million people.