Quotes & Jokes by Milton Berle / page 8
She was nice to him on Valentine’s Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
An adult western is where the hero still kisses his horse at the end, only now he worries about it.
Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I’d told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
All my wife wanted for Valentine’s Day was a little card – American Express.
There are a lot of things money can’t buy. Not one of them is on my son’s list.
My son really has the spirit of Valentine’s Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry.
I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
That's a vicious rumour! A rumour started by a few million people.
The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy.
Remember when you had your face lifted... and the guy brought it back.