Quotes & Jokes by Milton Berle / page 8

She was nice to him on Valentine’s Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.

She wanted an Italian sports car - with the sport still in it.

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine’s Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.

I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.

Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I’d told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.

My son really has the spirit of Valentine’s Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry.

I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.

The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy.

That's a vicious rumour! A rumour started by a few million people.

There are a lot of things money can’t buy. Not one of them is on my son’s list.

Remember when you had your face lifted... and the guy brought it back.