Quotes & Jokes by Phyllis Diller / page 12

Fang can’t stand to see trash and garbage lying around the house. He can’t stand the competition.

If it weren’t for my adam’s apple, I’d have no shape at all.

The only way I can get Fang out of bed in the morning is to wear a black dress and a veil, and sit on the edge of his bed and cry.

It’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.

Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!

For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.

I was sort of tricked into marrying. One night I was out with Fang and a girl said, “You better hand on to him.” I thought I had a prize. I didn’t know she meant that after one drink he falls down.

I’m beginning to have morning sickness. I’m not having a baby, I’m just sick of morning.

I never made “Who’s Who” but I’m featured in “What’s That?”

I’ll tell you what I don’t like about Christmas office parties: looking for a new job afterward.