Quotes & Jokes by Ray Romano / page 5

Right after 'Raymond' I had a world-is-my-oyster attitude, but I found out I don't like oysters. I had this existential emptiness. 'What is my purpose? Who am I?' I had a big identity crisis.

I'm aging, and the world is seeing it.

Well, I'm a 14 handicap. Anyone who golfs knows what that means.

Would I go to see a pediatrist or a proctologist to remove a foot from my ass?

I just don't want to play the same guy again over and over.

My wife said to me 'I hope you win... but if you do and you go up and say you love me, don't think it makes up for never saying it when we're alone.'

We're good friends, but we hate each other. Last year, Kevin made the cut and I didn't. My show is over. Kevin's got a really big movie coming out. What else do I got?

It is even better the second time now that my tongue isn't scared.

I still feel like an immature idiot inside, but I look in the mirror and - as a friend of mine once said- this old guy keeps getting in the way.

It’s hard to idolize a ballplayer when you're forty and he’s, let’s say, twenty-one. How can I be yelling “You da man!” when he da kid?

You don't want to shock them and do something totally opposite, but you also want to play a different character.

I wasn’t really that informed about the two-year-old. Oh, I'd read about them, and occasionally I’d see documentaries on the Discovery Channel showing two-year-olds in the wild, where they belong.

Why can't I love him (a 2 yr old nephew) from afar? That’s how I want to love him – through pictures and folklore.

I feel very privileged that I am able to do something. All of us saw the images on TV and we said we can send money but we still wanted to contribute more.

You might think that’s an exaggeration but believe me, if you leave twin two-year-olds alone in your living room, at some point a cow will be airborne.