Quotes & Jokes by Red Buttons / page 7
Elizabeth Taylor, who recently built a halfway house for girls who don't want to go all the way. Never got a dinner!
The Hunchback of Notre-Dame, who said to his tailor Irving, "Forget the slacks - please work on the blazer!" Never got a dinner!
Jack the Ripper’s mother, who said to Jack, "How come I never see you with the same girl twice? " Never got a dinner!
Lee Iacocca, who said to Dolly Parton, "Why do you need an airbag?" Never got a dinner!
Nostradamus, who predicted that Billy Bailey would not come home. Never got a dinner!
Steven Spielberg’s mother, who said to E.T., "I don't care where you're from, you're here and you're gonna get bar mitzvahed!" Never got a dinner!
Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Gandhi, who went to Wendy’s and asked, "Where’s the belief?" Never got a dinner!
The doctor who delivered Mr. T, who said, "He slapped me!" Never got a dinner!
An Orthodox Jewish vampire, who was so Kosher that he wouldn't suck a neck unless it was salted first. Never got a dinner!
Alexander the Great, who said on his wedding night, "It’s only a nickname." Never got a dinner!
King Soloman, who said to his thousand wives, "Who hasn't got a headache?" Never got a dinner!