Quotes & Jokes by Red Buttons / page 6
Clint Eastwood's sex therapist, who said to Clint, "Do it any which way you can, but no sudden impact." Never got a dinner!
Captain Hook's mother, who said to Little Hook, "For God sakes, don't scratch it!" Never got a dinner!
Nostradamus, who predicted he would never get a dinner! Never got a dinner!
Dean Martin’s pancreas, who overheard his liver singing "I got a right to sing the blues." Never got a dinner!
The doctor who delivered Mr. T, who said, "He slapped me!" Never got a dinner!
Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.
Vincent Van Gogh, who said to the hat salesman, "I like it, but it keeps sliding over my ear." Never got a dinner!
George Washington, who said to his father, "Dad, if I never tell I lie, how am I ever gonna become President?" Never got a dinner!
Bluebeard, who said to Scottland Yard, "How do I know how many wives I've killed? I'm not an accountant!" Never got a dinner!
Rip Van Winkle, who said, "Don't make the bed; I'm just going to the bathroom." Never got a dinner!
Then, there was Cary Grant. He spent three hours a week in hospitals teaching nervous people how to eat jello.
Nostradamus, who predicted that Billy Bailey would not come home. Never got a dinner!
Noah’s wife, who said to Noah, "Don't let the elephants watch the rabbits." Never got a dinner!