Quotes & Jokes by Red Buttons / page 6

There is only one goal. That's to keep working and keep flossing.

The last time I heard booing like that was when I was doing my act.

Dick Clark’s wife, who said to Dick on their honeymoon, "That was your third blooper tonight." Never got a dinner!

Moses, who said to the children of Israel, "Wear your galoshes; I never did this trick before." Never got a dinner!

King Henry VIII, who said to his lawyer, "Forget the alimony, I've got a better idea." Never got a dinner!

Simon Peter, who embarrassed the other disciples at the Last Supper by asking for seconds." Never got a dinner!

Burt Reynolds, great sex symbol of the movies, who said, "I owe it all to one great part." Never got a dinner!

If I lose show business - I'll really be an orphan!

Dinah Shore? Wonderful woman. Dinah formed a foundation to locate missing senior citizens by putting their pictures on prune juice bottles.

Alex Hailey, who traced his roots all the way to the back of the bus. Never got a dinner!

Then, there was Cary Grant. He spent three hours a week in hospitals teaching nervous people how to eat jello.

When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

Elizabeth Taylor, who recently built a halfway house for girls who don't want to go all the way. Never got a dinner!

Old McDonald, who said on his honeymoon, "Ee-eye-ee-eye-oooohhh!!!" Never got a dinner!

Sleeping Beauty, who said to Prince Charming, "Are you sure all we did was kiss?" Never got a dinner!