Quotes & Jokes by Red Buttons / page 6
Simon Peter, who embarrassed the other disciples at the Last Supper by asking for seconds." Never got a dinner!
Rip Van Winkle, who said, "Don't make the bed; I'm just going to the bathroom." Never got a dinner!
Dick Clarkâs wife, who said to Dick on their honeymoon, "That was your third blooper tonight." Never got a dinner!
The last time I heard booing like that was when I was doing my act.
Moses, who said to the children of Israel, "Wear your galoshes; I never did this trick before." Never got a dinner!
Dinah Shore? Wonderful woman. Dinah formed a foundation to locate missing senior citizens by putting their pictures on prune juice bottles.
Burt Reynolds, great sex symbol of the movies, who said, "I owe it all to one great part." Never got a dinner!
Alex Hailey, who traced his roots all the way to the back of the bus. Never got a dinner!
When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.
Then, there was Cary Grant. He spent three hours a week in hospitals teaching nervous people how to eat jello.
Captain Hook's mother, who said to Little Hook, "For God sakes, don't scratch it!" Never got a dinner!
Elizabeth Taylor, who recently built a halfway house for girls who don't want to go all the way. Never got a dinner!