Quotes & Jokes by Redd Foxx / page 3

A girl's legs are her best friends... but even the best of friends must part.

Love. Hygiene. That's the important thing. Hygiene. The toughest thing in the world: you have to turn to your mate one night and say: "You gotta wash your ass!" Shit. Knowing how difficult it is, I said it for you: you gotta wash your ass.

That’s what happens when the “Big One” comes. You go to bed fine, then you wake up dead.

Esther, you wouldn't want a drink, because you are a drink - a zombie!

The show doesn't drive home a lesson, but it can open up people's minds enough for them to see how stupid every kind of prejudice can be.

When I worked in clubs, I had to be alert until 2, maybe 3 in the morning. I found it best to sleep during the daytime.

If God wanted you to eat Puerto Rican Food, he would have lined your stomach with Pepto Bismol.

What’s an archive, son? Is that anything like a closet?

I'm a Sagittarian, see, I can't be fenced in. I been living in Las Vegas, greatest city in the world. I look out my window for 100 miles. In Vegas, there's nothing to do but gamble, drink or have sex. I have two of 'em.

For a dummy, you make a lot of sense.

Hey! Leave the door open will ya? The flies haven’t been out all day.

When you only make $3000 a year in social security, it's hard to be a philanthropist.

When you see the handwriting on the wall, your in the toilet.

I'm convinced that Sanford and Son shows middle-class America a lot of what they need to know.

Esther, warn me before you come in so I have a chance to cover all of the mirrors!