Quotes & Jokes by Redd Foxx / page 3

That’s what happens when the “Big One” comes. You go to bed fine, then you wake up dead.

Esther, you wouldn't want a drink, because you are a drink - a zombie!

Love. Hygiene. That's the important thing. Hygiene. The toughest thing in the world: you have to turn to your mate one night and say: "You gotta wash your ass!" Shit. Knowing how difficult it is, I said it for you: you gotta wash your ass.

Sanford and Son is more than just a name. It's a condition, a dynasty, an empire. This here is the finest pile of junk of the world.

The show doesn't drive home a lesson, but it can open up people's minds enough for them to see how stupid every kind of prejudice can be.

When I worked in clubs, I had to be alert until 2, maybe 3 in the morning. I found it best to sleep during the daytime.

Hey! Leave the door open will ya? The flies haven’t been out all day.

If God wanted you to eat Puerto Rican Food, he would have lined your stomach with Pepto Bismol.

What’s an archive, son? Is that anything like a closet?

I'm a Sagittarian, see, I can't be fenced in. I been living in Las Vegas, greatest city in the world. I look out my window for 100 miles. In Vegas, there's nothing to do but gamble, drink or have sex. I have two of 'em.

For a dummy, you make a lot of sense.

When you only make $3000 a year in social security, it's hard to be a philanthropist.

I'm convinced that Sanford and Son shows middle-class America a lot of what they need to know.

When you see the handwriting on the wall, your in the toilet.

I got a truck outside with my name on it: Sanford and Son. I’m Sanford and this is Son.