Quotes & Jokes by Redd Foxx / page 3

A girl's legs are her best friends... but even the best of friends must part.

Love. Hygiene. That's the important thing. Hygiene. The toughest thing in the world: you have to turn to your mate one night and say: "You gotta wash your ass!" Shit. Knowing how difficult it is, I said it for you: you gotta wash your ass.

That’s what happens when the “Big One” comes. You go to bed fine, then you wake up dead.

Esther, you wouldn't want a drink, because you are a drink - a zombie!

The show doesn't drive home a lesson, but it can open up people's minds enough for them to see how stupid every kind of prejudice can be.

When I worked in clubs, I had to be alert until 2, maybe 3 in the morning. I found it best to sleep during the daytime.

For a dummy, you make a lot of sense.

If God wanted you to eat Puerto Rican Food, he would have lined your stomach with Pepto Bismol.

I'm a Sagittarian, see, I can't be fenced in. I been living in Las Vegas, greatest city in the world. I look out my window for 100 miles. In Vegas, there's nothing to do but gamble, drink or have sex. I have two of 'em.

What’s an archive, son? Is that anything like a closet?

Hey! Leave the door open will ya? The flies haven’t been out all day.

When you only make $3000 a year in social security, it's hard to be a philanthropist.

When you see the handwriting on the wall, your in the toilet.

I'm convinced that Sanford and Son shows middle-class America a lot of what they need to know.

Esther, warn me before you come in so I have a chance to cover all of the mirrors!