Quotes & Jokes by Redd Foxx / page 3

Esther, you wouldn't want a drink, because you are a drink - a zombie!

A girl's legs are her best friends... but even the best of friends must part.

Love. Hygiene. That's the important thing. Hygiene. The toughest thing in the world: you have to turn to your mate one night and say: "You gotta wash your ass!" Shit. Knowing how difficult it is, I said it for you: you gotta wash your ass.

Beauty may be skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.

If God wanted you to eat Puerto Rican Food, he would have lined your stomach with Pepto Bismol.

Hey! Leave the door open will ya? The flies haven’t been out all day.

What’s an archive, son? Is that anything like a closet?

I'm a Sagittarian, see, I can't be fenced in. I been living in Las Vegas, greatest city in the world. I look out my window for 100 miles. In Vegas, there's nothing to do but gamble, drink or have sex. I have two of 'em.

Sanford and Son is more than just a name. It's a condition, a dynasty, an empire. This here is the finest pile of junk of the world.

I'm convinced that Sanford and Son shows middle-class America a lot of what they need to know.

For a dummy, you make a lot of sense.

When I worked in clubs, I had to be alert until 2, maybe 3 in the morning. I found it best to sleep during the daytime.

When you only make $3000 a year in social security, it's hard to be a philanthropist.

I got a truck outside with my name on it: Sanford and Son. I’m Sanford and this is Son.

Hazel, if I hit you in the mouth, I bet your lips get to the hospital before the amulance.