Quotes & Jokes by Rita Rudner / page 4

Men and women we look at movie so differently. Men look at how much money is spent. Women look at how much money is saved. If it just cost $300 and if I get it for $150 what have I done ladies? Saved $150. Of course. My husband thinks I’ve spent $150. What’s it like in there?

My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior."

I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.