Quotes & Jokes by Robin Williams / page 14
On stage you're free. You can say and do things that if you said and did any place else, you'd be arrested.
You'll notice that Bush never speaks when Cheiney is drinking water, check that shit out.
I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, "Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not so much comedy in Germany?" And I said, "Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?"
When you create you get a little endorphin rush. Why do you think Einstein looked like that?
When I was growing up they used to say, "Robin, drugs can kill you." Now that I'm 58 my doctor's telling me, "Robin, you need drugs to live." I realize now that my doctor is also my dealer...
Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men doing manly things: “You just killed a small animal. It’s time for a light beer.” Why not have a realistic beer commercial? ... “It’s five o’clock in the morning. You just pissed on a dumpster. It’s Miller time.”
I walked into my son's room the other day, and he's got four screens going at the same time. He's watching a movie on one screen, playing a game on another, downloading something on this one, texting on that one, people say "He's got ADD." Fuck that, he's multitasking.
Politics: “Poli” a Latin word meaning “many”; and "tics" meaning “bloodsucking creatures”.
And some people say Jesus wasn't Jewish. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents, come on! He works in his father's business, his mom thought he was God's gift, he's Jewish! Give it up!
We were talking briefly about cocaine...yeah. Anything that makes you paranoid and impotent, give me more of that!
The problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."
I went to rehab [for alcoholism] in wine country, just to keep my options open.