Quotes & Jokes by Roseanne Barr / page 5

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect.

I know how to do anything, I'm a mom.

Third party: a party which includes all other parties!

We never get sick of each other. That's how sick we are.

As Prime Minister of Israel I will introduce a bill into the Knesset that will simply pay the Arabs not to shoot at the Jews.

I was completely nuts for most of my life.

Everything that`s written about me has such a negative taint. It just has a life of its own, like an avalanche, and I don`t think there`s anything I can do to stop it.

The fact that my grown kids like to hang out with me, I mean, it just - I don't think it really can get any better than that, I don't think.

I used to want to be a movie star so I wouldn`t have to live in trailers anymore. And now that I make movies, I spend a lot of my life living in trailers.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

I'm funnier now because I'm braver and less full of hate, so everything is even more ridiculous than it was before.

Let's take back the real estate between our ears and get green like a son of a bitch.

I survived my childhood by birthing many separate identities to stand in for one another in times of great stress and fear.

Vote for me. I’m not a liar. I’m not a thief. I’m not a whore. And I’m not a politician. I think that uniquely qualifies me to become president of the U.S.

As long as your abuser has you scared, you will stay in the cycle of abuse. Thinking of solutions helps you to escape.