Quotes & Jokes by Roseanne Barr / page 4
I loved work and I loved pouring myself into the work, you know. It was the real life that I had trouble with.
My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.
If you spend all your time worrying about dying, living isn't going to be much fun.
This producer was a woman, a type I became acquainted with at the beginning of my stand-up career in Denver. I cared little for them: blondes in high heels who were so anxious to reach the professional level of the men they worshipped, fawned over, served, built up, and flattered that they would stab other women in the back. They are the ultimate weapon used by men against actual feminists who try to work in media, and they are never friends to other women, you can trust me on that.
Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?
Finding a calm place inside myself through meditation kind of helped me to get over a lot of mental illness, it's just been a really great thing in my life.
To expect life to treat you good is foolish as hoping a bull won't hit you because you are a vegetarian.
There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect.
I'm a comic, and I'm supposed to outrage and make people laugh. Part of makin' people laugh is to shake up their thinkin'. That's what I came here to do.
I had one kid with the birth control pill, I had one with the diaphram and I had one with the I.U.D. I don’t even know what happened with my I.U.D. It never came out. But I have my suspicions because that kid picks up HBO.
Birth control that really works - every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids.
Romney's solution for job creation: allow the slave class to employ their fellow slaves!