Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 12

As a school board we felt it's an unfair expense to families. The lawsuit has a certain logic to it - if you have free public education, you can't put these things on top of it. It defeats the purpose.

To be with another woman, that is French. To be caught, that is American.

I saw the movie, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and I was surprised because I didn't see any tigers or dragons. And then I realised why: they're crouching and hidden.

I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.

The auction houses seemed not as dull as their financial counterparts on Wall Street, where parents of daughters imagined glass celings and bottom patting.

I would have felt a little funny if another actor was playing this role.

I wrote a novel this year called "Shop Girl", and several producers came to me and wanted to turn it into a movie. And I said, "If you think you`re going to take this book and change it around, and Hollywoodize it and change the ending... that`s going to cost you."

Unlike Ray Porter, his love is fearless and without reservation.

There's a point when you're famous and it's unbearable to go out because you're too famous. And there's a moment when you're famous just right.

...you're nuts but you're welcome here.

I just think they should get a fair shake. They didn't. They didn't have the rights regular criminals get.

I've heard lots of people lie to themselves but they never fool anyone.

Only then does he realize what he has done to Mirabelle, how wanting a square inch of her and not all of her has damaged them both, and how he cannot justify his actions except that, well, it was life.

It was easier to sell a painting that was not for sale.

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won't stand for that.