Quotes & Jokes by Bo Burnham / page 5

Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on.

Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively.

When life give you lemons... you probably just found lemons.

What's important is that you stay true to yourself. Because when you enter the real world, the most valuable thing you can bring is all your you-ness. The world doesn't need any more hot chicks or tough guys or smooth talkers - the world needs more you. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Bitches and hoes don't exist because the hoes know Bo's a feminist.

My whole family thinks I'm gay, I guess it's always been that way. Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk, Makes them think I like... boys.

All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.

The average person has one fallopian tube.

I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost... my virginity.

I always wanted to be a comedian and actor, I basically stumbled into the music medium, though. I'm OK, but that's about it. I like to think I'm good enough not to negatively affect the performance.

We’re having a traditional Thanksgiving - turkey, mashed potatoes, hat buckles, smallpox, genocide, a blue corn moon, etc.

What's that? My six song album entitled "Bo Fo Sho" is currently available on iTunes? With three songs that have never been heard on the internet? Uh, and if I try to pirate it for free I'll get AIDS? I would have guessed scurvy. Well, see you later ghost of Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.

If your belief is hateful towards people, I couldn’t respect that.

You guys like impressions? Why?

And my friend is black, but I don't know what to call him. So I just call him Jamal Even though his name is Steve.