Quotes & Jokes by Bob Hope / page 6

I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.

I left England when I was four because I found out I could never be King.

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.

The home videos aren't as good, but they are seeming to get better.

It sure has been a pleasure for us to broadcast for the sailors and soldiers; besides, its part of the National Defence Program to prepare our boys for anything.

I was on the way to my hotel, and I passed a hotel going in the opposite direction.

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him.

He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

I've got to watch myself these days. It's too exciting watching anyone else.

I led such a sheltered life I didn't go out with girls until I was almost four.

You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.

Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.

I don't know what people have against Jimmy Carter. He's done nothing.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.