Quotes & Jokes by Bob Hope / page 6

I ruined my hands in the ring… the referee kept stepping on them.

The home videos aren't as good, but they are seeming to get better.

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.

I left England when I was four because I found out I could never be King.

It sure has been a pleasure for us to broadcast for the sailors and soldiers; besides, its part of the National Defence Program to prepare our boys for anything.

I was on the way to my hotel, and I passed a hotel going in the opposite direction.

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him.

He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

I led such a sheltered life I didn't go out with girls until I was almost four.

Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.

I've got to watch myself these days. It's too exciting watching anyone else.

You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.

I don't know what people have against Jimmy Carter. He's done nothing.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

I ruined my hands in the ring ... the referee kept stepping on them.