Quotes & Jokes by Dave Chappelle / page 3
Who got the part? Chris Tucker? Shit! Who got the other part? Tell me man. Jackie Chan? That mother fucker can't even speak English!
Wow. That's a good question. Is "I don't know" an acceptable answer?
What is wrong with me I just bought a bag of weed from an infant.
Chivalry died when women started readin' the shit in all them magazines. They got too much advice about men from other women. And they don't know what the fuck they're talkin' about. I see them in the grocery store, says on the cover "100 Ways to Please Your Man" by some lady. Come on, man. Ain't no 100 ways. That list is four things long. Just suck his dick, play with his balls,fix him a sandwich, and don't talk so much and he'll be happy!
If you're Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, and your marriage is breaking up - that's an awful thing. But to see that speculation in people, it's gotta sting a little bit.
All white people talk about when they get high is other times that they got high.
I see that they put every black man in the movies in a dress at some point in his career.
Where I'm from? A little town called none of yo god damn business.
Most of the people around me have a vested interest in how much money I make. You know, so a celebrity could find themselves in a position where people could have meetings about their life without them involved. And when I say 'their life' I mean not their professional life either. They could talk about their personal life.
I care about the work I do. But I'm not going to say that money's not an issue.
I don’t believe in premature ejaculation. If I come, it was right on time.