Quotes & Jokes by Dave Chappelle / page 4

What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP!!!!

The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself, especially when everybody is watching.

I'm Dave Chappelle and I'm a chronic masturbator.

I don't like letting my friends drive drunk, but I was smoking a joint I really couldn't say shit to the guy.

I was doing sketches that were funny but socially irresponsible. I felt I was deliberately being encouraged and I was overwhelmed.

I love being famous - it's phenomenal.

You can become famous but you can't become unfamous. You can become infamous but not unfamous.

I don't normally talk about my religion publicly because I don't want people to associate me and my flaws with this beautiful thing. And I believe it is beautiful if you learn it the right way.

The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It's dismissive.

I got real important relationships in my life that are very empowering relationships.

My wife asked me once if I weren't a comedian what I would do. I couldn't answer the question. I never imagined doing anything else.

You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.

After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding.

I just always loved stand-up. It's like magic. You say something, and a whole room full of people laughs together. Say something else, they laugh again. The fact that people come to see that and participate in that... I don't know, it's just like magic.

I'm off to the gym. Replacing good character with good looks is a cornerstone of my comeback stratagem.