Quotes & Jokes by Doug Stanhope / page 15
I'm a bit of a potty mouth. My dad used to wash out my mouth with soap, but that was just to get rid of any traces of his DNA.
I think that's when I knew I lost my youth; when I was no longer able to act like I was interested in a dumb chick just to fuck her.
Canada, the drinking age is 18, that’s unnecessary. Nobody wants to get loaded around people who have hope and their whole lives still ahead of them.
Nobody wants to hear "don't fuck in the front hole" after a hard day at work.
There's a fraudulent root element of comedy in that we say things night after night as though they are rolling effortlessly from the brain and off the tongue, when in fact they are crafted over weeks and months and years.
I don't have all the answers. I don't have a big closer, and I may not have a point. But I have a tit-fuck joke.
I'm pretty drunk and bored with yelling at the stone walls that are your minds.
The kind of beautiful that if your life ever flashed before your eyes you'd have to stop at that part and beat off.
I've been doing a lot of drugs in the last few weeks and drinking less, and I feel much better.
Don't take Ambien with beer, Inman, you'll black out and fuck up all kinds of shit.
The revolution I was starting where I thought I could yell at 200 people in a bar every night and change the world didn't quite happen.
Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and it’s sucked every second so far, it probably isn't going to get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early.
You forget, when you’re in the Scandinavian countries, you forget they don’t speak English first and they speak better than I do.