Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 11

Is it cynical to assume that anyone smiling is a liar and a criminal?

Nature's beauty never fails to fill me with a sense of wonder and awe, and still, I refuse to go camping.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Perhaps depression is a perfectly natural reaction to the human condition.

At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse.

My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like "no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle".

A high percentage of vegan men look like lesbians.

I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.

Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, "this is going to hurt me more than it will you".

Sorry sweety, you're not going to make the cut. You're just not unhealthy enough for me.

"Can you spare some change?" is never a good pick up line.

The rift between culture and pop-culture has never been greater.

Everyone I know with a kid says, "you gotta try it"... It's not a joint. I can't just put it out in an ash tray when I'm done.

Women often use large fake breasts like a gun, pointing the weapon at you in an attempt to garner the attention their father never gave them.

Throwing up is natures way of saying you need to re-examine your idea of a "good time".