Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 11

Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.

Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys. They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness.

Is it cynical to assume that anyone smiling is a liar and a criminal?

I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.

To understand one's self is to understand all of humanity, unless you're like my friend Mike, he's a fuckin' idiot.

Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.

It may not be in the constitution, but every American has a god-given right to provinciality and ignorance.

I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.

At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse.

Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?

Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.

Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.

Perhaps depression is a perfectly natural reaction to the human condition.

Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, "this is going to hurt me more than it will you".

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.