Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 11
Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place.
To understand one's self is to understand all of humanity, unless you're like my friend Mike, he's a fuckin' idiot.
Is it cynical to assume that anyone smiling is a liar and a criminal?
Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.
Perhaps depression is a perfectly natural reaction to the human condition.
I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.
My friend said, 'Try lamb skin. They're really thin. Lamb skin condoms, they're good.' And they are. What he didn't tell me was that right when you begin to conduct business, the whole room smells like a gyro. We were doing our thing. She said, 'What's that?' I said, 'I don't know, but I'm getting hungry.'
Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?
Everyone I know with a kid says, "you gotta try it"... It's not a joint. I can't just put it out in an ash tray when I'm done.
Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.
At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse.
It may not be in the constitution, but every American has a god-given right to provinciality and ignorance.
Finding your voice is something you have to keep working at. Your voice as a comic evolves the same way that you evolve. You have to find out what works for you. How can you express your opinion, your take on the situations in a way that feels natural to you? That’s where you find your voice.