Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 12

It may not be in the constitution, but every American has a god-given right to provinciality and ignorance.

Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.

How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?

A high percentage of vegan men look like lesbians.

Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.

Throwing up is natures way of saying you need to re-examine your idea of a "good time".

I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Women often use large fake breasts like a gun, pointing the weapon at you in an attempt to garner the attention their father never gave them.

Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is different.

Seems the first person to call someone a whore is usually another whore.

Sorry sweety, you're not going to make the cut. You're just not unhealthy enough for me.

Space and time are figments of you're imagination, unless the guy you're flying next to won't shut up.

If I were a bad black comic I would name my special, "Yo mama, and other stories of a lack of self awareness".

If you hug someone goodbye and their response is "what the hell are you doing?" - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.