Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 12
I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.
Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place.
Space and time are figments of you're imagination, unless the guy you're flying next to won't shut up.
Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is different.
My friend said, 'Try lamb skin. They're really thin. Lamb skin condoms, they're good.' And they are. What he didn't tell me was that right when you begin to conduct business, the whole room smells like a gyro. We were doing our thing. She said, 'What's that?' I said, 'I don't know, but I'm getting hungry.'
If I were a bad black comic I would name my special, "Yo mama, and other stories of a lack of self awareness".
Everyone I know with a kid says, "you gotta try it"... It's not a joint. I can't just put it out in an ash tray when I'm done.
Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, "this is going to hurt me more than it will you".
At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse.
If you hug someone goodbye and their response is "what the hell are you doing?" - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.
Self hatred is a bitch. That being said, people who really like themselves rarely produce anything interesting or creative.
Women often use large fake breasts like a gun, pointing the weapon at you in an attempt to garner the attention their father never gave them.