Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 12
I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.
If I were a bad black comic I would name my special, "Yo mama, and other stories of a lack of self awareness".
Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.
Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.
How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?
The human spirit is indomitable, unless your talking specifically about the people I know.
My friend said, 'Try lamb skin. They're really thin. Lamb skin condoms, they're good.' And they are. What he didn't tell me was that right when you begin to conduct business, the whole room smells like a gyro. We were doing our thing. She said, 'What's that?' I said, 'I don't know, but I'm getting hungry.'
If you hug someone goodbye and their response is "what the hell are you doing?" - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.
Women often use large fake breasts like a gun, pointing the weapon at you in an attempt to garner the attention their father never gave them.
Everyone I know with a kid says, "you gotta try it"... It's not a joint. I can't just put it out in an ash tray when I'm done.
Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, "this is going to hurt me more than it will you".
Self hatred is a bitch. That being said, people who really like themselves rarely produce anything interesting or creative.
Finding your voice is something you have to keep working at. Your voice as a comic evolves the same way that you evolve. You have to find out what works for you. How can you express your opinion, your take on the situations in a way that feels natural to you? That’s where you find your voice.