Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 13
If you hug someone goodbye and their response is "what the hell are you doing?" - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.
Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is different.
Finding your voice is something you have to keep working at. Your voice as a comic evolves the same way that you evolve. You have to find out what works for you. How can you express your opinion, your take on the situations in a way that feels natural to you? That’s where you find your voice.
Seems the first person to call someone a whore is usually another whore.
I saw the family recently. Everybody's angry at me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. He goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'Shut up, Billy. You're gay.'
Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.
Ending a sentence with "yo", is like saying, "I don't want a job. Not today. Not ever." Know what I mean yo?
Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.
I'd find myself more interesting if I weren't with me all the time.
Self hatred is a bitch. That being said, people who really like themselves rarely produce anything interesting or creative.
Break ups are painful, but if initiated at the right time can fuel one's sense of optimism.
I would imagine that not having any potential could be less difficult than not fulfilling it.
I don't trust you. I don't like you, and I don't respect you. That being said, I'm bored out of my mind and I'd like to invite you to dinner.
Sex sells, but doesn't work so well as a strong-arm tactic. "Give me your purse or I'll make out with you so hard".