Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 13

At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse.

Ending a sentence with "yo", is like saying, "I don't want a job. Not today. Not ever." Know what I mean yo?

I would imagine that not having any potential could be less difficult than not fulfilling it.

Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.

Sorry sweety, you're not going to make the cut. You're just not unhealthy enough for me.

"Can you spare some change?" is never a good pick up line.

Is it a bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend makes you say things like, "Satan is a myth... I guess".

A high percentage of vegan men look like lesbians.

If you carry a paperback book in your back pocket, but spend more time on your hair than you do reading it, you're probably a bad actor.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?

Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.

You're pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer.

Water polo would be much more interesting if they hadn't gotten rid of the horses.

I like the way you don't like me, but still let me have sex with you because you don't like yourself.