Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 13
Self hatred is a bitch. That being said, people who really like themselves rarely produce anything interesting or creative.
I would imagine that not having any potential could be less difficult than not fulfilling it.
Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.
I'd find myself more interesting if I weren't with me all the time.
The human spirit is indomitable, unless your talking specifically about the people I know.
If you carry a paperback book in your back pocket, but spend more time on your hair than you do reading it, you're probably a bad actor.
Break ups are painful, but if initiated at the right time can fuel one's sense of optimism.
Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?
Misery loves company which is ironic because it rarely throws dinner parties.
Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.
Ending a sentence with "yo", is like saying, "I don't want a job. Not today. Not ever." Know what I mean yo?
I saw the family recently. Everybody's angry at me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. He goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'Shut up, Billy. You're gay.'
My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.