Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 14
Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.
Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.
My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
You're pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer.
Great marriages are like the Higgs Boson particle, its existence has been theorized, but no one has ever seen one.
Vegas; one of the few places still encouraging men in their fifties to dress like their in a boy-band from the 80's.
I like the way you don't like me, but still let me have sex with you because you don't like yourself.
The only time used underwear is valuable is as evidence during a rape trial.
Just once I want to hear a motivational speaker whisper in my ear, "ya know, this is all bullshit right?"
Assassinating someone is another way of saying "I care", just not in the way they'd want you to.
We're born alone and we die alone. So in between, let's spend time with people that make us feel good... or at least put-out.
Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.