Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 17

The world treats beautiful people like they're good at something, which makes it so that they almost never get good at something.

You can tell a lot about a person by whether or not they're a transvestite.

Water polo would be much more interesting if they hadn't gotten rid of the horses.

Vegas; one of the few places still encouraging men in their fifties to dress like their in a boy-band from the 80's.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

I like to be able to connect with people. And that’s how I connect, right away. I like to really talk to somebody. To me, it makes my night more interesting.

I'm endlessly amazed by what people are capable of, and incapable of.

Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.

I'd like you much better if you didn't like yourself so much.

I'm pretty sure whoever said, "people are wonderful" spent very little time with people.

[In the Pharmacy] The guy turns to me -- I was in the aisle -- and he goes, 'Hey, you think I should go for the two-ply or the regular?' I was like, 'Man, if you're even thinking two-ply, maybe you shouldn't fuck her.'

I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.

Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated.

I can always tell when a girl comes from a good family because she's what's known as "not at all attracted to me".

Cities with a black middle class provide the narrow minded an opportunity to realize that cultural differences are largely economic.