Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 17
The Middle East is America's 'champagne room'. No matter how much you spend, you will still never get what you want.
Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.
I like to dress up as a referee and walk into a Foot Locker. You gotta try this. It freaks them out. They get all insecure. The guy's like, 'Wait a second, can I help you?' I was like, 'Can I help you, man? I, too, am a referee. Maybe we could work it out together.' And then someone will ask me for a size 10, and I'll be like, 'Do I look like I work here, chief?'
You can tell a lot about a person by whether or not they're a transvestite.
"We're in this together" usually means "I'm here for you, unless it requires me getting into my car anywhere near rush hour".
Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be.
TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.
Whenever I'm around people it causes me to feel nostalgic for the loneliness that drove me into their presence in the first place.
I saw a girl outside - had the biggest fake titties I've ever seen in my life. They were this big, with a half top with stuff written on the shirt, and I couldn't help but look at it. She got mad at me. She goes, 'What are you looking at?' I was like, 'Hey, if I stuff a balloon in my pants and paint a bulls eye on it, you might take a second freakin' peek, weirdo.'
This relationship is preventing me from becoming everything I can be as a world class masturbator. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.