Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 17

I saw a girl outside - had the biggest fake titties I've ever seen in my life. They were this big, with a half top with stuff written on the shirt, and I couldn't help but look at it. She got mad at me. She goes, 'What are you looking at?' I was like, 'Hey, if I stuff a balloon in my pants and paint a bulls eye on it, you might take a second freakin' peek, weirdo.'

People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.

You can tell a lot about a person by whether or not they're a transvestite.

There are few places more lonely than a crowded night club.

This relationship is preventing me from becoming everything I can be as a world class masturbator. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

You and I go together like energy drinks and flat brim ball caps.

Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.

Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be.

The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.

Celebrated father's day by congratulating myself for not having a kid.

Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think "why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility"?

Whenever I'm around people it causes me to feel nostalgic for the loneliness that drove me into their presence in the first place.

The Middle East is America's 'champagne room'. No matter how much you spend, you will still never get what you want.

A lot of people in a LA need to take a break from taking a break.

It's difficult to feel silly and depressed at the same time, but I manage.